The Big Question

I guess one big question on everyone's mind is "Why on earth did you choose to move to Turkey??"...Not only my friends and family ask me this - it seems, recently, that everyone here is asking me this too...I wish I could give a good answer....

My best guess is that I needed a change in my life.  But when I saw this, and even as I write it, I feel like a spoiled child who is tired of one play thing and wants to find another more interesting play thing...so maybe this isn't a good guess after all...

My second best guess is that I felt a strong connection and need to experience more about Turkey when I came here last May.

To clarify - I had a good job and a good life in Canada.  Good friends, wonderful family, my own house and car, and a cat who has been my constant companion for the last 10 years...despite all this, I always felt like something was missing...I felt like I only had half a life.  My father's family is so close knit and amazing and I have a great network of close friends that are like family to me as well...I know alot about the history of my father's family and where they come from.  And I even know alot about my step-mother and her family!  But this is only one half of me...and I have always had a desire to learn more about the other half. 

My mother's family was always a kind of mystery.  After her death, there was no communication from them - whether or not this was due to a conscious attempt or just a lack of effort is unclear.  Whatever the reason, it seemed as though, after that point, I had only half a life.  Don't get me wrong - my father's family stepped into the breach in full force so I had no time to realize that something was missing until much later.

Flash forward to last May and my trip to Turkey with my sister.  For her it was an exciting adventure and a chance to see some family we hadn't seen in 20 years...for me, it was an eye-opening experience that teased me with the possibility of having the chance to change my life in a big way while exploring the connection I felt to a country I had no idea about.  The emotional connection I felt when I arrived was so alien to me.  It was the same feeling I would get when I would arrive in my father's driveway after the tedious 6 hour drive from Ottawa...a feeling of home and welcoming and comfort.  Why would I have that same feeling in a strange country half way around the world?  This feeling is the biggest reason I wanted to come here.  This was my missing half...

And how do you explain that to the Turkish people who live here and are desperately looking for a way to move to a more democratic and free country?  It's not easy let me tell you...