Bittersweet Trade Off

So, the other day my sister and I were chatting on Facebook.  She congratulated me on my blog and said that she eagerly checks every morning to see if I've updated anything so she can read it to her 3 month old daughter...This made me a little bit sad. 

Why? 

Well, because I haven't actually met my niece yet.  When I left for this little adventure, my sister was about 5 or 6 months pregnant.  I found out about her birth the good old fashioned way - on Facebook!  It was December 19th..I was sitting in a kebapçı on a busy street corner in Şanlıurfa (in South Eastern Turkey) with my travelling buddy H - we were having a snack before we had to catch a bus to the airport for our flight back to Ankara.  I was idly looking at fb on my cell while waiting for H to finish his kebap...and I noticed a photo and update from my sister...I had a new niece! 

It was a bittersweet kind of moment - one that I was expecting but it caught me off guard nonetheless.  I knew it was coming.  And I knew I wouldn't be home to see the baby when it was born.  But finding out the way that I did was more unsettling than I expected.  I'm not sure if I thought that life back home would stop and wait for my return before continuing on it's merry way or what...but clearly that wasn't happening.  The most unsettling part for me was coming to the realization that life was going to continue on without me.  I would be missing births, birthdays, holidays, special moments, family dinners, ball hockey games, movie dates with C, card nights, hangover Gonga's and matinees with my bestie, concerts, and the day to day monotonies of my old life that I kind of took for granted and that I miss so much now.  However, had I not come here, I would not have found this out about myself.  I would not have met my "uzumcim", I would not have met the wonderful new people I have in my life, I would not have the satisfaction of helping people learn a new skill, I would not have had the experience of learning about my connection to this country and its people.

So, while it's difficult to only see my niece once every couple of weeks on Skype (when we can get a good enough connection!!!) and have her learn about me via these stories and my photo albums, it's also rewarding to be here at this point in my life.  It's my bittersweet trade off I guess...