This is a follow up to the entry from the other day "Things I've Learned..."
In case you haven't noticed, politics has recently been an interest of mine. Which surprises me just as much as I'm sure it surprises you given my decidedly un-politic past in Canada...
I guess one reason for this could be that politics in Canada is boring to me. I didn't realize just how easy we have it at home. While we argue about budgets and who said what, the Turkish people are fighting for equality and basic human rights. While we sit in our comfortable home watching on our big screens about acts of terrorism around the world, the people in Eastern Turkey are living with it and fighting against it on a daily basis. I have been sucked in to watching this struggle unfold - it is better than any soap opera or book...I guess it also helps that U is very interested in politics. His personal interest has helped to fuel my own and open my eyes to the injustices happening around me - here and in other parts of the world. As he reminds me every day, I was very fortunate to be raised in a real democratic country.
From yesterday's English language Turkish newspaper...so much for Freedom of Expression...
http://www.todayszaman.com/news-281534-turkish-pianist-who-insulted-islam-on-twitter-faces-jail-time.html
I also found this article about an interesting new law...
http://www.todayszaman.com/columnist-281165-mr-ocalan.html
CONGRATULATIONS Turkey! Addressing controversial people as "Mister" is no longer a crime! I guess this is one step in the right direction...
A quick overview of the Turkish Human Rights situation from the Amnesty International Report
http://www.todayszaman.com/columnist-281402-turkey-through-amnesty-internationals-eyes.html
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
FOOD!
Moving on to a lighter subject - I want to tell you about Turkish food! Below is just a sampling of some of the delights you can find here in Turkey!
One of the things I enjoy most about living here is the FOOD!! Everything here is fresh and pretty much organic and extremely delicious. While most Turkish people prefer home-cooked meals, you can still buy chips, candies, and junk food (McDonald's, Dominos, Arby's, Pizza Hut, Burger King, etc.). For the most part though, the Turkish diet consists of fresh fruit and vegetables and meat. And bread! Delicious home made bread loaves that you buy fresh each morning. My favorite breakfast is bread still warm from the bakery with kaymak (a thick cream with about 60% milk fat!!) and vişne reçeli (sour cherry jam). I can't even describe the goodness of this flavor combination!
Turkey even has it's own version of street meat - kokoreç (coco-retch). There are kokoreç vendors on most every street corner after 9pm so that you can get your pre- and post-drinking fixes! I don't want to tell you what goes into kokoreç because it might stop you from tasting this amazing Turkish food but just think about North American street meat...we eat that and we're still alive right??
One of the things I enjoy most about living here is the FOOD!! Everything here is fresh and pretty much organic and extremely delicious. While most Turkish people prefer home-cooked meals, you can still buy chips, candies, and junk food (McDonald's, Dominos, Arby's, Pizza Hut, Burger King, etc.). For the most part though, the Turkish diet consists of fresh fruit and vegetables and meat. And bread! Delicious home made bread loaves that you buy fresh each morning. My favorite breakfast is bread still warm from the bakery with kaymak (a thick cream with about 60% milk fat!!) and vişne reçeli (sour cherry jam). I can't even describe the goodness of this flavor combination!
Turkey even has it's own version of street meat - kokoreç (coco-retch). There are kokoreç vendors on most every street corner after 9pm so that you can get your pre- and post-drinking fixes! I don't want to tell you what goes into kokoreç because it might stop you from tasting this amazing Turkish food but just think about North American street meat...we eat that and we're still alive right??
There is a place in Ankara that is famous for it's kokoreç - Atatürk Orman Çiftliği (or Ataturk Forest Farms). This is a farm in the middle of the city where honey and milk are also produced and where there is a small petting zoo. There are family tea gardens and LOTS of street meat. Groups of young people head out here after a night of drinking. They park their cars and open all the doors and blast traditional Turkish music and dance while they wait for their meals! Kokoreç takes a while to prepare. First, the meat is slowly cooked on a rotisserie over some hot coals. Then it is cut into smaller pieces and cooked some more. Then it is chopped up with spices and placed into a large bun - now its ready to eat! The process takes about 30 minutes so you have to find something to occupy your time as you wait! I love going there just to listen to the men prepare the kokoreç - they chop the meat into tiny pieces with two strange looking knives and the sound is just wonderful to listen to!
Here is a video I took of one of our favorite places to eat at in the Forest:
Another Turkish specialty you can find nearly everywhere is döner (doe-nair). Döner (or gyro or shwarma) is shaved meat roasted vertically on a spit. It is slowly roasted with wood or electric heat and often served over a bed of rice or inside of a pita or bun.
One of my favorite foods is manti. Manti is like a mini dumpling. I recently learned how to make manti on a trip to Yalova - it is time consuming but worth it! Traditionally, manti is made with spiced ground beef wrapped in a small square of dough. It is boiled like pasta. You eat manti with a very heavy butter sauce spiced with red pepper and sumac. Then you pour garlic yogurt over top and enjoy! Like Italian gnocchi, just a few of these will do!
In addition to traditional foods, there are of course traditional drinks here in Turkey.
The most popular is black tea or çay (chai). In fact, Turkey has the highest per capita tea consumption in the world! Tea is grown in the Black Sea region of Turkey and the most popular variety is Rize. Tea is had at (or after) every meal and also over the course of the day. The tea is prepared in a stacked tea pot. In the larger bottom part you boil water and in the smaller top part you steep tea leaves with boiled water. The tea is served in small tea glasses - you pour some steeped tea from the top part then dilute it to your preference with water from the bottom pot. Some Turks like very dark tea (like me!) and some like it very light.
Although 99% of the Turkish population is Muslim and Muslims are forbidden from consuming alcohol, there is still a large amount of Rakı consumed here. Rakı is an anise flavored hard liquor. You drink it from a special rakı glass. You put about 1 ounce of rakı in the glass and then dilute it with water - when you do this the rakı turns cloudy white. You also have a second glass of only water to temper the taste of the drink. It's very strong and not one of my personal favorites - but when you are having a fish or seafood dinner, rakı is a staple drink! If you enjoy Italian grappa or or Spanish orujo then Turkish rakı is for you!
It's really a good thing that I do alot of walking here because with the amount of bread and pasta I eat I should weigh about 300lbs!! But I can't help myself! The food is just too good to resist! I should just count myself lucky that their dessert consists of mostly fresh fruit and nuts and not rich cheesecakes and cakes!
One of my favorite foods is manti. Manti is like a mini dumpling. I recently learned how to make manti on a trip to Yalova - it is time consuming but worth it! Traditionally, manti is made with spiced ground beef wrapped in a small square of dough. It is boiled like pasta. You eat manti with a very heavy butter sauce spiced with red pepper and sumac. Then you pour garlic yogurt over top and enjoy! Like Italian gnocchi, just a few of these will do!
In addition to traditional foods, there are of course traditional drinks here in Turkey.
The most popular is black tea or çay (chai). In fact, Turkey has the highest per capita tea consumption in the world! Tea is grown in the Black Sea region of Turkey and the most popular variety is Rize. Tea is had at (or after) every meal and also over the course of the day. The tea is prepared in a stacked tea pot. In the larger bottom part you boil water and in the smaller top part you steep tea leaves with boiled water. The tea is served in small tea glasses - you pour some steeped tea from the top part then dilute it to your preference with water from the bottom pot. Some Turks like very dark tea (like me!) and some like it very light.
Although 99% of the Turkish population is Muslim and Muslims are forbidden from consuming alcohol, there is still a large amount of Rakı consumed here. Rakı is an anise flavored hard liquor. You drink it from a special rakı glass. You put about 1 ounce of rakı in the glass and then dilute it with water - when you do this the rakı turns cloudy white. You also have a second glass of only water to temper the taste of the drink. It's very strong and not one of my personal favorites - but when you are having a fish or seafood dinner, rakı is a staple drink! If you enjoy Italian grappa or or Spanish orujo then Turkish rakı is for you!
It's really a good thing that I do alot of walking here because with the amount of bread and pasta I eat I should weigh about 300lbs!! But I can't help myself! The food is just too good to resist! I should just count myself lucky that their dessert consists of mostly fresh fruit and nuts and not rich cheesecakes and cakes!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Things I've Learned...
Yesterday I learned something about Turkey that I didn't know before...two years ago, young girls who cover themselves as part of their practice of Islam were not allowed to go to university. They were forced to uncover themselves if they wanted to attend classes. (Today, they have been granted permission to freely practice their religion and continue their education at university). Also, covered women are not allowed to work in any public offices if they are covered. I find this to be very interesting in a country where the percentage of Muslim people is 99% of the population (2011 population estimates around 74.7 million people...)
Here's a short video I found about the injustice towards covered women in Turkey:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCjAYd1OgcU - "Injustice - Turkish Government Style"
There are many things that confuse me about Turkish government. All in all, they are trying to do things to help the people, but every once in awhile, things that I learn shock me.
For example, Turkey considers itself to be a secular democratic republic. I had to look up these words to make sure I understood them correctly - as I thought, secular still means "not overtly or specifically religious" according to Webster's Dictionary and democratic means "favoring social equality" (Webster's again). But, citizens are not given the opportunity to express their own opinions. If you speak out against Islam or a government policy for example, you face the risk of incarceration.
Fasil Say, one of the most well-known and most controversial Turks (he's a classical pianist for those who don't know who he is!), recently questioned whether Islamic heaven is a brothel or a pub on Twitter - because, in the Qu'ran it says that for those worthy enough for acceptance to heaven there are rivers of drinks and bountiful beautiful women. This was not well received within the government here! Also, there are scores of journalists and activists who have been in jail without charges for writing what they believe in.
If you have never heard him play please watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U5if44LYKs&feature=related - "Beethovan's Tempest Sonata"
Here's an interesting article I found from the New Yorker: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/comment/2012/03/turkeys-jailed-journalists.html
In the article, the author briefy mentions that more than half of these jailed journalists are also part of the Kurdish minority. Here's a whole other problem that faces this country and its government.
Here is an article from Time Magazine to summarize the problem:
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2089602,00.html - "Why Turkey's Kurdish Conflict is Making a Worrying Comeback"
The term Kurd was used for nomads since the 7th century BC and is translated roughly to "ferocious fighter" or "warrior" in Kurdish. The Kurdish people are indigenous of the Middle East and are concentrated in an area which includes Turkey, Iran, Iraq, and Syria. The exist on the borders of these countries and see themselves as a people without a state - existing between and across borders. They have a population of about 30 million. In Turkey they enjoyed equality and rights until 1923. It was at this point that the Republic of Turkey was created and everyone was essentially "forced" into becoming Turkish. The Kurdish language, Kurdish rights, and even Kurdish names were banned by the new government. The vision at the time was to have unity - one language, one religion, one people. And the new governement meant to achieve this vision any way it could. Talk about democracy! The Kurdish people in Turkey are still fighting to achieve some measure of equality and freedom. In 2002, they won the right to publicly use their language again (although Kurdish names are still banned...). The Kurdistan Workers Party (or PKK) is their newest way of fighting back. The PKK is considered a terrorist organization by the US and NATO. The hide in the mountains of Eastern Turkey (where most of them were forcibly relocated after the creation of the Republic - out of sight out of mind?) and use violence and force to try and win their independence and a free Kurdish State. Since the 1970s, there has been an autonomous state called Kurdistan in Iraq. Iran and Iraq recognize their Kurdish minorities, why doesn't Turkey?
Here are some videos about "The Kurdish Problem" for those of you who might be interested in more information:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRsw5s28jxY - "Guerrilla Girls of the PKK"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF5B13U4dA0&feature=relmfu - "In the Grip of Generals - Turkey"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeaGHBL06rc&feature=fvwrel - "Law and Reality - Turkey"
Here's a short video I found about the injustice towards covered women in Turkey:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCjAYd1OgcU - "Injustice - Turkish Government Style"
There are many things that confuse me about Turkish government. All in all, they are trying to do things to help the people, but every once in awhile, things that I learn shock me.
For example, Turkey considers itself to be a secular democratic republic. I had to look up these words to make sure I understood them correctly - as I thought, secular still means "not overtly or specifically religious" according to Webster's Dictionary and democratic means "favoring social equality" (Webster's again). But, citizens are not given the opportunity to express their own opinions. If you speak out against Islam or a government policy for example, you face the risk of incarceration.
Fasil Say, one of the most well-known and most controversial Turks (he's a classical pianist for those who don't know who he is!), recently questioned whether Islamic heaven is a brothel or a pub on Twitter - because, in the Qu'ran it says that for those worthy enough for acceptance to heaven there are rivers of drinks and bountiful beautiful women. This was not well received within the government here! Also, there are scores of journalists and activists who have been in jail without charges for writing what they believe in.
If you have never heard him play please watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U5if44LYKs&feature=related - "Beethovan's Tempest Sonata"
Here's an interesting article I found from the New Yorker: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/comment/2012/03/turkeys-jailed-journalists.html
In the article, the author briefy mentions that more than half of these jailed journalists are also part of the Kurdish minority. Here's a whole other problem that faces this country and its government.
Here is an article from Time Magazine to summarize the problem:
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2089602,00.html - "Why Turkey's Kurdish Conflict is Making a Worrying Comeback"
The term Kurd was used for nomads since the 7th century BC and is translated roughly to "ferocious fighter" or "warrior" in Kurdish. The Kurdish people are indigenous of the Middle East and are concentrated in an area which includes Turkey, Iran, Iraq, and Syria. The exist on the borders of these countries and see themselves as a people without a state - existing between and across borders. They have a population of about 30 million. In Turkey they enjoyed equality and rights until 1923. It was at this point that the Republic of Turkey was created and everyone was essentially "forced" into becoming Turkish. The Kurdish language, Kurdish rights, and even Kurdish names were banned by the new government. The vision at the time was to have unity - one language, one religion, one people. And the new governement meant to achieve this vision any way it could. Talk about democracy! The Kurdish people in Turkey are still fighting to achieve some measure of equality and freedom. In 2002, they won the right to publicly use their language again (although Kurdish names are still banned...). The Kurdistan Workers Party (or PKK) is their newest way of fighting back. The PKK is considered a terrorist organization by the US and NATO. The hide in the mountains of Eastern Turkey (where most of them were forcibly relocated after the creation of the Republic - out of sight out of mind?) and use violence and force to try and win their independence and a free Kurdish State. Since the 1970s, there has been an autonomous state called Kurdistan in Iraq. Iran and Iraq recognize their Kurdish minorities, why doesn't Turkey?
Here are some videos about "The Kurdish Problem" for those of you who might be interested in more information:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRsw5s28jxY - "Guerrilla Girls of the PKK"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF5B13U4dA0&feature=relmfu - "In the Grip of Generals - Turkey"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeaGHBL06rc&feature=fvwrel - "Law and Reality - Turkey"
Monday, May 14, 2012
Football
On Saturday night I had my first Turkish football experience.
Although football only came to Turkey in the early 19th century it is pretty much considered the national sport. It's played by everyone here. Allegiences are familial - ie. if the father supports Galatasaray, then so does the rest of the family. Generally, allegiences are also hereditary - ie. my father's father supported Galatasaray so I also support them. And Turkish people are passionate about their sport as I found out that night.
Coming from Canada, I am used to friendly rivalry's between Leafs fans and Sens or Habs fans, etc...but here, if you support the "wrong" club you can literally be blacklisted! Fights between rival club fans break out on the streets here regularly when there is a big match on. Think Vancouver during the last Stanley Cup...that's every Saturday night here in Turkey (minus the looting).
Every city in Turkey has a football club. The Süper Lig (league) has 66 clubs. The top clubs are Fenerbahçe (18 Süper Lig wins), Galatasaray (18 Süper Lig wins), Beşiktaş (13 Süper Lig wins), Trabzonspor (6 wins) and Bursaspor (1 win). Needless to say, the biggest rivalry is Fenerbahçe and Galatasaray.
Anyways, my boyfriend U and I went to his friend's house where our hosts had prepared a traditional Turkish mangal (barbeque) and set up a projection on the wall of their roof top terrace. There were seven of us watching the Super League Championship match between Galatasaray and Fenerbahçe. Of the seven of us, 5 were supporters of Galatasaray. My boyfriend included. Only 1 woman was supporting Fenerbahçe. Me knowing nothing about these familial allegiences and such, decided to support the underdog of the match, Fenerbahçe, with this other woman. I should tell you that Galatasaray led Fenerbahçe by 1 point in the standings before this match. So, whenever Fener was close to scoring I would cheer. When U heard me, he was a little surprised and scolded me for not supporting him and his team. Turns out that whoever your boyfriend supports is who you are also supposed to support. So, needless to say, he had a bit of a shock when I refused to support his team! In the end, it was us Fener fans who had a shock...Fener played a good game (by my limited estimation) with only 1 player red-carded. The final score was a zero-zero draw. Galatasaray were crowned as champions. Now it was my turn to be shocked. Where was the over time? Where were the free kicks? Does the game just end like that? What was the point of the whole thing if there was no score?? I just didn't get it and I still really don't get it. Turns out that even in championship situations there is no extra time or any way to get a score. Whoever has the most points in the standings after a draw is the winner...period...
The match ended at 9pm. We finished up our mangal and fruits and tea and then decided to hit the road at about 10:30pm. It took us about 15 minutes to reach U's friend's house from our end of town. But going home took about 1 and half hours. Why you ask? Well, almost all the main roads were clogged with celebrating Galatasaray fans! It was insane! And unlike anything I have ever seen before! People were just parked in the middle of the road, sitting on their cars, waving flags and setting off fire works. Music was turned up high and singing could be heard from all corners. Fans were dancing traditional Turkish dances on the streets and stopping any traffic that tried to break through with whistles, flag waving and general rowdiness. It was quite the spectacle! It reminded me of after the Stanley Cup in Vancouver but with a much more friendly, celebratory air. Even the Fener fans were grudgingly celebrating their loss at the hands (or feet I guess) of the winning club. This was just in our neighborhood in Tunali in Ankara. In İstanbul the crowds were much bigger and I'm sure fighting was rampant. Fener fans felt the game wasn't refereed fairly (shocking I know) and stormed the field after the game. I can only imagine what the streets were like!
Although football only came to Turkey in the early 19th century it is pretty much considered the national sport. It's played by everyone here. Allegiences are familial - ie. if the father supports Galatasaray, then so does the rest of the family. Generally, allegiences are also hereditary - ie. my father's father supported Galatasaray so I also support them. And Turkish people are passionate about their sport as I found out that night.
Coming from Canada, I am used to friendly rivalry's between Leafs fans and Sens or Habs fans, etc...but here, if you support the "wrong" club you can literally be blacklisted! Fights between rival club fans break out on the streets here regularly when there is a big match on. Think Vancouver during the last Stanley Cup...that's every Saturday night here in Turkey (minus the looting).
Every city in Turkey has a football club. The Süper Lig (league) has 66 clubs. The top clubs are Fenerbahçe (18 Süper Lig wins), Galatasaray (18 Süper Lig wins), Beşiktaş (13 Süper Lig wins), Trabzonspor (6 wins) and Bursaspor (1 win). Needless to say, the biggest rivalry is Fenerbahçe and Galatasaray.
Anyways, my boyfriend U and I went to his friend's house where our hosts had prepared a traditional Turkish mangal (barbeque) and set up a projection on the wall of their roof top terrace. There were seven of us watching the Super League Championship match between Galatasaray and Fenerbahçe. Of the seven of us, 5 were supporters of Galatasaray. My boyfriend included. Only 1 woman was supporting Fenerbahçe. Me knowing nothing about these familial allegiences and such, decided to support the underdog of the match, Fenerbahçe, with this other woman. I should tell you that Galatasaray led Fenerbahçe by 1 point in the standings before this match. So, whenever Fener was close to scoring I would cheer. When U heard me, he was a little surprised and scolded me for not supporting him and his team. Turns out that whoever your boyfriend supports is who you are also supposed to support. So, needless to say, he had a bit of a shock when I refused to support his team! In the end, it was us Fener fans who had a shock...Fener played a good game (by my limited estimation) with only 1 player red-carded. The final score was a zero-zero draw. Galatasaray were crowned as champions. Now it was my turn to be shocked. Where was the over time? Where were the free kicks? Does the game just end like that? What was the point of the whole thing if there was no score?? I just didn't get it and I still really don't get it. Turns out that even in championship situations there is no extra time or any way to get a score. Whoever has the most points in the standings after a draw is the winner...period...
The match ended at 9pm. We finished up our mangal and fruits and tea and then decided to hit the road at about 10:30pm. It took us about 15 minutes to reach U's friend's house from our end of town. But going home took about 1 and half hours. Why you ask? Well, almost all the main roads were clogged with celebrating Galatasaray fans! It was insane! And unlike anything I have ever seen before! People were just parked in the middle of the road, sitting on their cars, waving flags and setting off fire works. Music was turned up high and singing could be heard from all corners. Fans were dancing traditional Turkish dances on the streets and stopping any traffic that tried to break through with whistles, flag waving and general rowdiness. It was quite the spectacle! It reminded me of after the Stanley Cup in Vancouver but with a much more friendly, celebratory air. Even the Fener fans were grudgingly celebrating their loss at the hands (or feet I guess) of the winning club. This was just in our neighborhood in Tunali in Ankara. In İstanbul the crowds were much bigger and I'm sure fighting was rampant. Fener fans felt the game wasn't refereed fairly (shocking I know) and stormed the field after the game. I can only imagine what the streets were like!
So I suppose for those of you contemplating a move here, research football clubs and make sure you chose your allegience wisely...
*** May 16th - Okay, so I spoke too soon! Turns out in İstanbul there was some major rioting by Fener fans and Galata fans alike! Police cars flipped over, fires started, riot police out in full force! There goes my idealism again...thinking only the good in people! Here's another video of what went down there! Glad I wasn't a part of that!!!!
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dgt7UUd3X_4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
*** May 16th - Okay, so I spoke too soon! Turns out in İstanbul there was some major rioting by Fener fans and Galata fans alike! Police cars flipped over, fires started, riot police out in full force! There goes my idealism again...thinking only the good in people! Here's another video of what went down there! Glad I wasn't a part of that!!!!
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dgt7UUd3X_4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Trust
I've had something on my mind for the last couple days and I wanted to write about it today in the hopes that an answer magically will appear...I wanted to talk about Trust.
What is trust? If it's lost, is it possible to ever regain it? How can you regain someone's trust?
These are the questions I've been thinking about...
So, what is trust? Merriam-Webster's defines trust as "a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed". I guess that's what I think trust is too. When you trust a person, you know that character is good, that they are an honest individual, and that they would never intentionally do something to hurt you (or another person).
Ok, now we know what it is. So, if you lose trust in someone, is it possible to regain it? Thinking about my own life, I have had several instances where someone I thought I could trust ending up hurting me in some way. Despite this, I have this need to believe in the good in everyone. I need to believe that everyone is inately good and honest. I feel that I can't believe this, what is the point of this existence? Second guessing people, actions, and words is a waste of energy so I try not to do it. But when I accidentally find something out, suddenly a little seed of doubt is planted in my head and I can't help but wonder if I have been naive and idealistic all my life.
In my online research about this topic, most "experts" say that to regain trust you must understand the reason for the breach of trust - even if you don't want to hear it. The trust breaker must also understand how the you feel and offer a sincere apology - without an explanation of the behaviour (ie- I'm sorry but...). An explanation should only be offered if asked for. I found this little paragraph about how to make promises about future behaviour when trust has been breached at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/. Essentially, promises made must be:
Finally, by following these steps you should be able to fully trust someone again. The process will probably take longer than you think is should (especially if you are the trust-breaker) but if you are willing to work on it, you should be able to have your old relationship back after a breach of trust.
Both parties have to be willing to work on the issue though. Rebuilding trust is not a one-way street. If both parties cannot work together, then maybe it's time to weed your garden, as we say in our family. Rid yourself of the person who causes the negativity and keep only the positive people in your life.
What is trust? If it's lost, is it possible to ever regain it? How can you regain someone's trust?
These are the questions I've been thinking about...
So, what is trust? Merriam-Webster's defines trust as "a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed". I guess that's what I think trust is too. When you trust a person, you know that character is good, that they are an honest individual, and that they would never intentionally do something to hurt you (or another person).
Ok, now we know what it is. So, if you lose trust in someone, is it possible to regain it? Thinking about my own life, I have had several instances where someone I thought I could trust ending up hurting me in some way. Despite this, I have this need to believe in the good in everyone. I need to believe that everyone is inately good and honest. I feel that I can't believe this, what is the point of this existence? Second guessing people, actions, and words is a waste of energy so I try not to do it. But when I accidentally find something out, suddenly a little seed of doubt is planted in my head and I can't help but wonder if I have been naive and idealistic all my life.
In my online research about this topic, most "experts" say that to regain trust you must understand the reason for the breach of trust - even if you don't want to hear it. The trust breaker must also understand how the you feel and offer a sincere apology - without an explanation of the behaviour (ie- I'm sorry but...). An explanation should only be offered if asked for. I found this little paragraph about how to make promises about future behaviour when trust has been breached at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/. Essentially, promises made must be:
- mutually agreed upon - both parties must be satisfied with the promises offered
- reasonable - promises need to involve things that one can actually live up to (broken promises are one of the worse things that could happen when trying to rebuild trust)
- explicitly clear - both parties should double check their understanding of the promises being made
- related to the betrayal that occurred - promises about future behavior need to be related to how trust was violated
Finally, by following these steps you should be able to fully trust someone again. The process will probably take longer than you think is should (especially if you are the trust-breaker) but if you are willing to work on it, you should be able to have your old relationship back after a breach of trust.
Both parties have to be willing to work on the issue though. Rebuilding trust is not a one-way street. If both parties cannot work together, then maybe it's time to weed your garden, as we say in our family. Rid yourself of the person who causes the negativity and keep only the positive people in your life.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Turkish Hospitality - an Oxymoron
Again I must apologize profusely about the lengthy delay between posts...I went for a little holiday and then got back logged in work! Always the case isn't it?
Last week, I went with K (my house mate) to a little town called Yalova. Yalova is about 45 minutes by ferry from İstanbul. There's not much to recommend this town - no historical sites, no monuments, etc - but it is such a quaint and hospitable sea side community! We went there to visit K's "auntie" (not related by blood, but here it makes no difference!). She a few years older than me, widowed, with 3 children. And so welcoming and kind! By the end of the trip, I felt like family too!
And herein lies the contradiction about Turkish Hospitality - at least in my experience.
Turkish people are renowned for their hospitality and their friendliness. They always go out of their way to make sure their guests are comfortable and well taken care of. When you are travelling around this country, do not be surprised when the shop owner or carpet seller or guy on the street who gives you directions invites you to his home for dinner or tea! This is typical in all parts of the country and took me a little by surprise the first couple times it happened! As a tourist, I have had nothing but good experiences with Turkish people whether family, friends, or strangers.
However, as a foreigner who lives here, in my day to day life, I have had so many bad experiences I sometimes wonder why the heck I'm still here!
Webster's defines hospitable as "treatment, reception, disposition". To me, hospitality includes not only how you treat guests in your home but also customers at your place of work. It is this latter part where Turkish people are lacking.
When I first arrived here, there was a lot of running around involved in getting a residence permit and a work visa. I came to hate going to the Emniyet (Turkish Security Ministry). Of course this is a government office so I knew that there would be a general lack of job interest as is the case with most government workers. But, I was unprepared for the complete unhelpfulness of everyone who works there. When I first arrived, my Turkish was very rusty. I was unsure where to go (its an enormous building) and when I asked in my halting Turkish I wasn't given very helpful directions. One man said "go here" and upon arriving "there" I was told "no, no - go here", etc, etc. After an hour of this, I finally arrived in the Foreigner Services Department. This is where anyone who wants a residence, student, or work visa must come. Generally the people wanting these types of visas are "foreigners" - ie. not from Turkey, ie. don't speak much Turkish. There was a line up of students waiting, mostly Asian and European, all struggling to understand what was needed of them. And of course, no one in the "foreigner" department spoke English. When I asked for an English speaking person to help me and the other people who didn't speak Turkish the response was "You want to live here, learn the language". Fair enough I think - but you don't need to be rude about it and you should expect that some newly arrived people haven't had the opportunity to learn anything yet. When I mentioned this case, the response was essentially "tough sh*t". So welcoming and helpful isn't it? I remember calling my boyfriend as I walked out of the Emniyet telling him how much I wanted to leave this horrible place!
Another example comes from a restaurant experience with K from a couple months ago. She was craving a kumpir (baked potato kind of dish) so we chose a restaurant based specifically on the availability of kumpir. I should note here that most restaurant servers do not write down the orders of their customers. They don't even repeat the order to make sure they got it the first time. So, there are generally some mix ups. With this knowledge in the back of our minds, our order was placed and we waited. Finally the waitress brought our food - lo and behold, not a potato in sight...When K complained and said this dish was not what she ordered, the waitress (no joke) said "Ummm, yes it it. I would remember if you said kumpir". After another couple of minutes of arguing about who remembered better what was ordered, the waitress very sullenly took the plate and exchanged it for the requested kumpir. Can you imagine this happening in Canada??
Finally, yesterday, I had some business to take care of at my Turkish bank. Specifically, I had to transfer funds from Turkey to my account in Canada. I went to the information desk of my local branch and asked if what I wanted to do was possible and if so, where would I go to do it. The lady directed me to the regular counters so I took a number and waited in line. When it was my turn, I repeated the same thing to the lady behind the counter who said, "I don't think we can do that" and directed me back to the same information lady who had sent me to her. I went back there and again repeated what I needed to do. This time she said "Oh, yeah, we don't do that here. You need to go to your home branch in İstanbul and maybe they can help you". When I said that I didn't quite understand what she was saying (go to İstanbul??) her response was "I know you understand me, you're just choosing not to". Who talks to a customer like this?? I asked to speak to her manager and I was told "She can't help you either so don't bother". I was so angry and frustrated and flabbergasted at the treatment I had just received. Again, I called my boyfriend and went to his office to tell him what happened and that I was sick of this country and wanted to go home. He hugged me, made me laugh, and then said we could go straight there if I wanted so he could tell her off for me. What a sweetie! If I didn't have to get to work, I would have taken him up on that offer! This morning, we went together to a different branch of the same bank and explained the situation from yesterday. The man behind the counter looked embarrassed by the actions of the other lady and offered to call their head office to make a complaint. I took him up on his offer! He also went out of his way to help me with my banking. We were in and out in a matter of 20 minutes!
I realize that bad customer service exists in every country, but here, where hospitality is revered and is in fact part of the culture and traditions of these people, it comes as quite a shock.
Last week, I went with K (my house mate) to a little town called Yalova. Yalova is about 45 minutes by ferry from İstanbul. There's not much to recommend this town - no historical sites, no monuments, etc - but it is such a quaint and hospitable sea side community! We went there to visit K's "auntie" (not related by blood, but here it makes no difference!). She a few years older than me, widowed, with 3 children. And so welcoming and kind! By the end of the trip, I felt like family too!
And herein lies the contradiction about Turkish Hospitality - at least in my experience.
Turkish people are renowned for their hospitality and their friendliness. They always go out of their way to make sure their guests are comfortable and well taken care of. When you are travelling around this country, do not be surprised when the shop owner or carpet seller or guy on the street who gives you directions invites you to his home for dinner or tea! This is typical in all parts of the country and took me a little by surprise the first couple times it happened! As a tourist, I have had nothing but good experiences with Turkish people whether family, friends, or strangers.
However, as a foreigner who lives here, in my day to day life, I have had so many bad experiences I sometimes wonder why the heck I'm still here!
Webster's defines hospitable as "treatment, reception, disposition". To me, hospitality includes not only how you treat guests in your home but also customers at your place of work. It is this latter part where Turkish people are lacking.
When I first arrived here, there was a lot of running around involved in getting a residence permit and a work visa. I came to hate going to the Emniyet (Turkish Security Ministry). Of course this is a government office so I knew that there would be a general lack of job interest as is the case with most government workers. But, I was unprepared for the complete unhelpfulness of everyone who works there. When I first arrived, my Turkish was very rusty. I was unsure where to go (its an enormous building) and when I asked in my halting Turkish I wasn't given very helpful directions. One man said "go here" and upon arriving "there" I was told "no, no - go here", etc, etc. After an hour of this, I finally arrived in the Foreigner Services Department. This is where anyone who wants a residence, student, or work visa must come. Generally the people wanting these types of visas are "foreigners" - ie. not from Turkey, ie. don't speak much Turkish. There was a line up of students waiting, mostly Asian and European, all struggling to understand what was needed of them. And of course, no one in the "foreigner" department spoke English. When I asked for an English speaking person to help me and the other people who didn't speak Turkish the response was "You want to live here, learn the language". Fair enough I think - but you don't need to be rude about it and you should expect that some newly arrived people haven't had the opportunity to learn anything yet. When I mentioned this case, the response was essentially "tough sh*t". So welcoming and helpful isn't it? I remember calling my boyfriend as I walked out of the Emniyet telling him how much I wanted to leave this horrible place!
Another example comes from a restaurant experience with K from a couple months ago. She was craving a kumpir (baked potato kind of dish) so we chose a restaurant based specifically on the availability of kumpir. I should note here that most restaurant servers do not write down the orders of their customers. They don't even repeat the order to make sure they got it the first time. So, there are generally some mix ups. With this knowledge in the back of our minds, our order was placed and we waited. Finally the waitress brought our food - lo and behold, not a potato in sight...When K complained and said this dish was not what she ordered, the waitress (no joke) said "Ummm, yes it it. I would remember if you said kumpir". After another couple of minutes of arguing about who remembered better what was ordered, the waitress very sullenly took the plate and exchanged it for the requested kumpir. Can you imagine this happening in Canada??
Finally, yesterday, I had some business to take care of at my Turkish bank. Specifically, I had to transfer funds from Turkey to my account in Canada. I went to the information desk of my local branch and asked if what I wanted to do was possible and if so, where would I go to do it. The lady directed me to the regular counters so I took a number and waited in line. When it was my turn, I repeated the same thing to the lady behind the counter who said, "I don't think we can do that" and directed me back to the same information lady who had sent me to her. I went back there and again repeated what I needed to do. This time she said "Oh, yeah, we don't do that here. You need to go to your home branch in İstanbul and maybe they can help you". When I said that I didn't quite understand what she was saying (go to İstanbul??) her response was "I know you understand me, you're just choosing not to". Who talks to a customer like this?? I asked to speak to her manager and I was told "She can't help you either so don't bother". I was so angry and frustrated and flabbergasted at the treatment I had just received. Again, I called my boyfriend and went to his office to tell him what happened and that I was sick of this country and wanted to go home. He hugged me, made me laugh, and then said we could go straight there if I wanted so he could tell her off for me. What a sweetie! If I didn't have to get to work, I would have taken him up on that offer! This morning, we went together to a different branch of the same bank and explained the situation from yesterday. The man behind the counter looked embarrassed by the actions of the other lady and offered to call their head office to make a complaint. I took him up on his offer! He also went out of his way to help me with my banking. We were in and out in a matter of 20 minutes!
I realize that bad customer service exists in every country, but here, where hospitality is revered and is in fact part of the culture and traditions of these people, it comes as quite a shock.
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